Goodbye Good Friend, Bad Influence

(sam) Diet Coke, I have swilled cans and cans of you. For years you have been the thing I look forward to first thing in the morning. You have washed down endless chocolate soy crunchy bars and oatbran muffins. When the breakfasts changed over the years, you were the constant. Always fizzy, always bitter, never sticky when I spilled you in the car. I've endured the years of well-meaning friends sending me websites with bad graphics and exclamation marks packed with rhetoric on how your nutra-sweet will kill me or give me brain disease. It's probably true, but I have ignored it. I've added up how much I've spent on our relationship over the years... more than $10,000! You cost more than a bad boyfriend, Diet Coke, and still I stayed with you. I bought your stock in the 90's and made money when I sold it. Your caffeine powered up many a show when I only had four hours of sleep. You gave me that happy feeling and probably kept me from being really crabby at Scott. And now, goodbye. I'll miss all of it.

I'm quitting because when I was drinking you and our little boy asked for some, I told him no,it wasn't good for him. I'm quitting so I can sleep when I'm sleepy. I'm quitting so there will be room for healthy things like vegetables and God. I'm quitting so I don't have to do it in 20 years. I'm quitting so I can watch God do it.